Sexual Ethics and Islam - Marriage, Money And Sex

It is always interesting to see how quickly cultures are to judge others for things that are abnormal to their customs. Most importantly how the judgement happens when people don't bother themselves to learn more from that particular culture just judge off the “top coating”. I say this  because within this reading by Kecia Ali, a lot of details about a Muslim marriage are revealed that the public eye (i.e. United States) does not bother to learn. Our first thought is that women within Muslim marriages are oppressed by force. But this article strictly entails how it consists more of imitations that Muslim women face within their marriages.

First off, It’s quite interesting to learn how emphasized it is throughout the article that a man must fulfill his wife’s pleasure (sex-wise). Which is really shocking since from a western point of view, I felt that men tended to make their marriage about them and how a wife must please them. “The linkage of divorce with dower may seem odd, but the husband, in the jurists’ logic, is paying for a type of control. It is this control that makes sex lawful” (5). Then it was described how the sex and offspring decisions is all about the men. Basically the man decides when he wants to have sex and if he chooses not to have sex for a year or so than the wife must be fine with that. Along with that she has no say in it nor has the permission or right to ask for sex. Regarding the children, their form of birth control, recommended by the prophet is the “pull-out method” basically to remove the penis before ejaculation BUT if the women wants the man to continue to fulfill pleasure then he must. Besides that the women do not have much say in when she wants children. She can’t force her husband if he doesn’t want to. The worst of all is that she knows she cant complain because their marriage becomes a contract with the dower that is given to her.

Which brings me to a dower, which is money or property offered/given to a women by requirement before marriage. A dower will not only demonstrate the respect to Muslim tradition but also that a man is able to provide for a woman (money, food, etc.). A dower will basically show that a man that is able to provide for his wife and future family, that he is reliable. But it is specifically given to the woman so it won’t seem as if the man is trying to “buy” her off her family. But with the dower is where it entitles the man to everything, sex privileges and the right to divorce. Since they give the women dowers the man can ask for divorce and be granted while on the other hand it will not be that easy for women unless they are able to pay all the dower back or they have a consensual divorce. And regarding sex as mentioned above it is their duty as  a wife to always be willing to have sex. They also discus how all the marriage policies become problematic when men marry outside of Muslim women. Because they become entitled to have more rights within their marriage which then make the Muslim men less useful within their culture.

Overall, this article was disappointing for me because I do wish that women would be able to speak up for themselves whether it was regarding divorce or sex. Of course this is from an American point of view because I believe that marriage ideals should consist of both people not just one person controlling it.